I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
