Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
