We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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