Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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