That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
