Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
