3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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