bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i think i have herpe
just one?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
