conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there is glitter all over my balls
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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