Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My cat gives me a boner
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
