Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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