im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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