yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
