we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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