How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
