Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
