Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
