I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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