I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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