You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
