She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
