Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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