Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
