i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
