I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
