true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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