My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
