and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
