I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
