I love how my cats smell like pot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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