You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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