EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
