literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
