so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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