I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
