i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
