batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
