Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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