He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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