i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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