wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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