I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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