I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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