I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
