i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize