Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
