**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
