I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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