she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
