I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize