you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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