Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize