Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
