Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
