I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
