I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
