i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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