If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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