im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
