Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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