If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
