you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
