Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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