Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize