"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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