I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
