Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you inspire me to be a worse person
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize