Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
